BY Donna Scuse | 4 MINUTE READ

By the time you get engaged, you’re hopefully well beyond that nervous first meeting of your partner’s parents. Now, all of a sudden, these aren’t just people you see occasionally whilst on your best behaviour. They’re going to become part of your family. Forever. If you’ve already struck up a great relationship, lucky you! But if this thought breaks you out in a cold sweat, here’s our guide to how to get along with the in-laws:

Lay good foundations early

It’s not uncommon for couples to find themselves juggling the expectations of their parents when planning their wedding. Whether it’s the choice of venue, the budget or the guest list, parents can feel that they have an entitlement to be part of the decision-making process. You don’t have to give in to every demand, but staying calm and patient whilst you work through solutions will set a good foundation for the future. If you want to forge a relationship with mutual respect and understanding, stay well away from Bridezilla behaviour!

Remember that EVERY family has its quirks

Perhaps your in-laws have some strange habits and traditions, and some of their conversation leaves you scratching your head in baffled bemusement. Maybe you find them downright weird. So what? It’s easier said than done, but try to accept your in-laws as they are. Every family is radically different, and your partner could probably write a long list of the things they find odd about YOUR family, too. Acceptance can be tricky, but if you can take them as you find them, your in-laws will become a lot easier to get along with. 

Search out common interests

Instead of focusing on the ways that your in-laws may be different to you, work on finding some common ground. If you have a shared love of food, or music, or theatre, these could become activities you can enjoy together and give you something to talk about. Finding areas of compatibility creates a shared bond and will help bring you closer. 

Keep it neutral

The chances are that your opinions on major issues match up pretty well with your partner’s. Their parent’s views, however, may be a different matter. To avoid potential conflict, it’s worth steering clear of contentious subjects, such as politics. Not challenging their views doesn’t mean you agree with them, it’s just a way of keeping the peace. If a certain subject comes up and you feel really strongly that you need to speak out about it, try to do so in a way that’s respectful and not combative. 

Know your limits

If you find time with your in-laws draining, try agreeing with your partner how long your visit will be. It can be easier to plaster on a smile and engage with the family if you know how long you have to keep it up for. If your visit is over several days, perhaps you can plan in some ‘breaks’ to decompress. Offering to run an errand or heading out for a walk with your partner can recharge your batteries – and your patience.

Above all else, remember that your in-laws raised the person you love enough to want to spend your life with. Whatever other faults you may see in them, that’s a powerful incentive to find ways to get along.